10 Clear Signs You Are Not In Charge of Your Life!

You are not in charge of your life when:

1. You need other people’s permission and affirmation before you can take action.

“Wow! That’s a wonderful idea you have. Why don’t you go ahead and do something about it?” These are the kind of words you desperately need to hear before you can take any form of action. You are constantly seeking other people’s approval. You second guess yourself and need others to give positive feedback, give their stamp of approval and hopefully walk you through the next steps to take before you can act on anything. Trust and believe in yourself! Get going on the things that are important to you. What will happen to your dreams and goals if you fail to obtain the approval you so much need? Nothing!

 2. You don’t speak up for yourself.

You allow others to get away with the hurtful things they say or do. As a result you get stressed out, lose your power, happiness and overall sense of well being. Start speaking up for yourself and take control of your life. If you want to maintain healthy relationships and have a healthy self-esteem, begin to develop your “assertiveness muscle.” Be courageous, learn how to handle conflict, face confrontation and regain your respect.

3. You can’t take a stand on anything. 

You flow with the current. You never seem to have a mind of your own. When someone says that something is good, you agree. When someone else says that something is bad, you agree. You are so used to going along to get along that you fall for anything. What do you really believe in? What are your convictions? What do you want to achieve? Who are you? What is your stand on these issues? Identify what you stand for, learn how to communicate what you stand for and then stand up for something!

4. You play small, yet you know you can play a bigger game. 

You know that there is more to you than meets the eye. You have so much potential and know that you could be maximizing you talents, skills and abilities. However, day after day, month after month, year after year, you still keep settling for less than you deserve. You still keep taking on positions that you are overqualified for, working at jobs which pay you less than you deserve, wasting you talents, talking about achieving your goals and yet doing nothing to turn the situation around. What are you finally going to do today to raise your game and get what you deserve?

5. You don’t have a plan for your life. 

The saying goes, “If you don't have a plan for yourself, you'll be a part of someone else's.” The question is…do you have a plan for your life? If you don’t…whose plan are you on? Do you know what you want to do with your life? What is your life’s plan? Why is it important to you? When do you want to achieve the various aspects of your plan? What are you going to do to fulfill your plan? By when are you going to take this action? How committed are you? Begin to live life according to your plan.

6. No one listens to you or takes you seriously.

 You feel “invisible” when in the presence of others. You have valuable, interesting and useful information to share…yet, you feel that you have no voice. For some reason people just don’t seem to want to listen to you. Know that your opinion counts. Learn how to create a good impression, command attention, use powerful words to communicate your view point, spice up your conversation and be heard. Don’t allow your voice to be silenced. You too, have an important contribution to make to the world.

7. You don’t value yourself. 

You don’t like yourself, criticize yourself, look down on yourself and judge yourself harshly. Do you value who you are and what you represent? Learn to love yourself. Don’t allow society and other people’s opinions to define who you are and dictate the course of your life. If you are not happy with the way your life has turned out, start taking corrective measures. Improve your skills, become a part of groups or clubs that help you deal with the issues you are facing, have great expectations for yourself and be open to more possibilities and opportunities. You are special and unique and there is a lot going on for you. You better believe it.

8. You are afraid to act on your dreams and goals. 

You have dreams and goals but they are in the back burner. You are afraid of taking responsibility and control of your destiny. You keep allowing obstacles, your insecurities and a “victim mentality” to rob you of the pleasure of achieving your goals. No one will come and wave a magic wand to turn your dreams into reality. Believe in yourself, develop a positive “I can do it” attitude, become unstoppable, overcome your obstacles and insecurities and turn your dreams into reality. There are so many inspiring stories of people who overcame obstacles and achieved great things. You too can become that story!

9. You don’t know who you are and what you want. 

“Who am I?” “What do I really want to do with my life?” “What fulfills me?” “What is my role and purpose on earth?” Can you honestly answer these questions? It is important to clarify and identify your values and your life purpose because they allow you to get a sense of direction and be in sync with yourself. This knowledge allows you to focus on a deeper level on what you really want in life and on what’s most important to you.

10. You don’t have the passion, willpower, commitment, persistence and guts to turn your life around. 

These are some of the basic qualities that make you unstoppable and ensure your success. They allow you to take charge, stop being a spectator, get into the arena, and play the game of success. Do you have these qualities?When you are not in charge, your life is dictated by other people, your insecurities, and the lack of knowledge about your personal responsibility, qualities and power to succeed. Are you in charge of your life? If not, who is?


Caroline Jalango coaches women, provides strategies and solutions, motivates and helps women who desperately want to strike the match that sets them ablaze to live happier, meaningful, positive, productive, improved and purpose driven lives. Download your FREE "do better for yourself" mini-course designed to help you develop and maintain your momentum to start doing better for yourself today and get the results you want by visiting

(c) 2007